I never planned on maturing. Does one ever plan on maturing? I think maturity is similar to death, meaning one doesn’t think about it until the event actually occurs. Ivy Mikayla and Heather Ivy are the axis on which my world turns. I think about it differently these days. I feel like I am the captain of an, “old, old wooden ship used in thee Civil War era (diversity).” Congratulations to those of you who got that one. I built the ship. Heather came along and modified the ship. She made it sturdier, a little more stylish. I noticed that our ship was a little easier to steer and my sails seemed to catch more wind. The waves that crash against us have not ceased. They still flow at natures will. Sometimes we sail through calm seas and other times we take on water from the crashing waves of a storm.
I handle it differently now. When I was younger, I would abandon ship without hesitation and swim for safety. Now that I think about it, how logical does that really sound? These days, I stick with my ship. I mend broken areas with new parts (communication) and I shine the bronze on her stern (tell her she is beautiful). We dine in the cabin (we still date) and we’ll drop anchor and take a swim from time to time (adventure). But I fail, and I hate it.
The most important tool a captain can have on his ship is a compass. There are times when I feel like I forget that I even own a compass. I remember back when it used to take me to each desired destination without fail. There were even times it took me to places that I didn’t expect. Places where I didn’t feel I needed to be. I blamed the compass, not my own selfishness. Somehow, the necessary guidance in my life was placed on a shelf in my living quarters where it collected dust. I’d wipe of the dust from time to time, but I don’t use it for the purpose that it was intended. And I am a failure because of it. Even now, my heels dig into the cover as I sit here watching my hand create the words on this paper.
The world is the sea. Why do I feel like I am in the water pulling on a rope that is attached to the ship? Doesn’t this defeat the purpose of owning a ship? I am the idiot trying to pull my ship in a directionless direction while refusing to use the essential tool to find a location embodied with purpose. What’s funny is that I know I should climb back into the ship, pull out the compass, and set sail for the point of the needle. Yet I fill with excuses and procrastination. This, in and of itself, is deadly.
Funny how worldly “priorities” take the helm over Him. They sneak in and invade my pores. So silently, in fact, that I am unaware of an additional presence until I am standing in the soil of my own little pity party. The diabolos finds pleasure in putting me here, and I feel like a fool when I let him do so. And there is no need for this. My flesh is so weak it sickens me.
I am loved, forgiven by my Creator. I have a place, a purpose, and can feel secure in my ultimate resolution. Lord, strengthen me and help me lead my family in the correct direction. My priorities are reprioritized. Help me to dodge complacency. You are not monotonous, You are my adventure. Lead me to be the father and husband that You desire me to be.
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