On the Subject of Love

There are times when I think that water is incapable of pooling in my eyes anymore.  I am proven wrong on occasion.  To be quite frank, I am relieved that I am still able to show some emotion.  I am not ashamed to say that it feels good to know that I can cry over something that is worth crying about.  The birth of my daughters comes to mind.  The love my wife has for me never ceases to amaze me.  And that part in Forest Gump when he visits Jenny’s grave.  Kills me every time. 

I was reading a book before the semester started regarding the topic of grace and God’s love for us.  I believe the example is out of Donald Miller’s Searching for God Knows What.  Or maybe it was a Driscoll blog.  The author was speaking of God’s love and those who deal with so much guilt that they feel like they have actually lost it.  I struggle with this from time to time as I have done some pretty rotten things.  The author compares His love for us as the same as our love for our children.  Unconditional, unbreakable, and strong.  Life examples always seem to pop up which put the books I read into perspective.  This is one of those instances.

Rielle was rushed to the Children’s Hospital for complications surrounding the RSV virus on Monday, February 13, 2012.  Her oxygen level was too low and she was having trouble breathing adequately on her own.  I was able to make it down to the Kaiser treatment center just in time to see the paramedics strap her car seat to the stretcher for transport to the ambulance.  She had little tubes coming out of her nose and she looked defeated.  She looked up into my eyes after I gave her a kiss on the forehead.  I’d like to think that she felt comfort when she looked into my eyes.  

Ivy and I visited Heather and Rielle at the hospital today.  Rielle’s oxygen level is maintained at an adequate reading with oxygen tubes that cling to her face with the help of band-aids.  The oxygen is humidified to help soothe her nasal passages.  She has IV’s stuck to the top of her little hands that supply her with fluids as she is having a hard time keeping milk down.  Her little ears are red as an ear infection begins to plague her right ear.  She seems uncomfortable, so I talk to her.  She stops her fussing and looks toward the sound of my voice.  She looks into my eyes and she calms.  It was at that moment that it felt as though my heart was going to explode with love.  It took everything I had to pull it together.

As I was looking at my broken daughter, I couldn’t help but liken my overwhelming love for her, to God’s love for me.  I imagine that God’s love for me is exactly what I felt right as Rielle’s gaze met mine.  The thought of this kind of intense love focused toward me is overwhelming and almost unbelievable.  It is undeserved but given freely.  That is the beautiful thing about God’s grace and forgiveness.  He can love a broken person like me as if I were the most precious thing in the whole world.  That feels good.  It feels really good….

A big Thank You to Jason Lohse who has suffered numerous text messages regarding the subject of grace and forgiveness.