Legalism (Spiritual Terrorism)

I have a confession to make.  I hold a strong disdain toward legalist/fundamentalist Christians who choose to shove their unsolicited opinions down the throats of the unwilling.

This is a sinful feeling on my part and I am praying for healing and direction with regards to my issues.  What I hate the most is that I let them get to me.  

Here are the reasons why:

I spent the first half of my life living in fear.  I don’t have a beautiful story to tell about asking Christ to be my savior.  My story really sucks.  I was at a Christian youth group meeting and the youth leader told us about the rapture mentioned in the book of Revelation.  He told us that if we weren’t Christians we would be left behind and would be killed for being Christians during the seven-year tribulation.  When he was through with the lecture, he asked any of us if we wanted to accept Christ as our Lord and Savior.  My hand shot up immediately.  Why?  I was scared out of my damn mind.  I didn’t want to be left behind and I surely didn’t want to be (decapitated) during the seven-year tribulation.  I was around nine or ten years old when this happened.

Ugly on the Inside

I spent the next fifteen years soaked in self-righteousness all while walking on eggshells.  I should have had a massive white board with two sections.  One section would hold tallies for all the good deeds I was responsible for.  This might include telling someone about Jesus at least once per day, sharing with my sisters, raising my hands during worship, or strategically placing my Bible in an area that was visible to the lost.  The other would hold tallies for all of the moral laws I broke on a daily basis.  This might include listening to Guns N’ Roses, watching a PG-13 movie, saying a cuss word, or missing church.  

In my mind, the tallies should offset on a daily basis otherwise God would be pissed.  My salvation would be lost and I’d never attain it again.  If I broke one of the commandments, I would simply have to work harder the next day.

I spent about fifteen years saturated in fear.  I was petrified that Christ would return and I would be left behind for not accomplishing enough “stuff.”

I drug a lot of people down during that time.  If you weren’t a Republican then you were going to hell.  If you listened to anything other than Newsboys or DC Talk, then you were living in sin.  If you were gay, then you were unsavable.  If you dated girls, you were sexually immoral and living in sin.  Basically, if you participated in culture you might as well have slung a scarlet letter across your breast.

How did the curtain fall?  Christ broke me under the weight of my own self-righteousness.  Severely.  This is what it took for me to realize my absolute need for a Savior. 

I spent close to twenty years memorizing Bible verses, going to Church,  singing praise songs, and even participated in thorough discipleship studies through my youth group program.  What did I have to show for it?  A relationship with Christ that was based in nothing but fear and a book-smart knowledge of scripture with no real understanding of its relevance or application within my own life.  I was pathetic, in a nutshell.

Over the last four or five years, I have been a "recovering Christian."  I finally understand the true meaning behind the Gospel according to Jesus Christ (not Steven Christ).  I have strong mentors who I can lean on with stupid, but relevant questions.  I know that if I make a mistake, or two, or a hundred, that Christ’s forgiveness and grace remain constant even as I am inconsistent. 

Romans 10 v. 9-10 says, “If you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.”  I did that a long time ago!  This shows the complete ignorance I held regarding everything Jesus ever said about salvation!

Additionally, Romans 8 v. 38-39 says, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Nothing.  Nothing can separate us.  You remember that scene in A Good Will Hunting where Robin William’s character has to tell Will that “it wasn’t his fault” over and over again?  I had to pound this verse into my head in the same manner!

This brings me to my current issue.  I have no problem dealing with unbelievers.  No problem at all!  My biggest source of frustration, as I mentioned in my opening statement, is with fundamentalists/legalists.  They are a stumbling bock in my walk with Christ.  In their eyes, I am not saved enough.  I don’t do enough.  I don’t look like a Christian, and I don’t talk like a Christian.  I don’t eat like a Christian, vote like a Christian, dress like a Christian, or listen to music like a Christian.  And most importantly, I don’t “evenly distribute” the news of God’s wrath, judgment, and anger when speaking to unbelievers.  

Here is my message to these people.  God bless you in spite of yourselves.  You are a hurtful people, drowning under the weight of your own self-righteousness.  A beautiful consolation would be to watch as God allows all of those you have judged, condemned, and ridiculed into Heaven before letting you enter.

God loves me.  His blood was sufficient enough for my sins and all others who choose to accept the same.  Today, I am thankful that my judgement and salvation does not fall on your shoulders (the legalist).  Shame on you for bringing others down to your level.   

Forgive me for writing this.  I am human, and flawed.